>> Dear Santa,
>> How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer
>> to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
>> would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for
>> Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
>> Merry Christmas,
>> Timmy Jones
>>
>> Dear Timmy,
>> Thank you for you r letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves
>> are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little
>> worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting.
>> Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a
>> good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and
>> play with.
>> Merry Christmas,
>> Santa Claus
>>
>> Mr. Claus,
>> Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by
>> you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
>> granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn
>> this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think
>> that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out
>> once a year is a bit
>> trite?
>> Respectfully,
>> Tim Jones
>>
>> Mr. Jones,
>> While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I
>> remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
>> a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal
>> action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my
>> attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister
>> Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in
>> open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only
>> improve your health, but also improve your social skills and
>> potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of
>> the Burger King fry bin most days.
>> Very Truly Yours,
>> S Claus
>>
>> Now look here Fat Man,
>> I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
>> attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my
>> friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to
>> tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm
>> taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want.
>> WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
>> T-Bone
>>
>> Listen Pizza Face,
>> Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the
>> world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger
>> wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're
>> awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I
>> have at my disposal I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the
>> world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right
>> now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of
>> your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm
>> still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you're ass and
>> then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
>> S Clizzy
>>
>> Dear Santa,
>> Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
>> Timmy
>>
>> Timmy,
>> That's what I thought you little bastard.
>> Santa
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