Text Messages - Thx Marge R!

text messages…

Text message to neighbor:

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door.  I’ve got a confession to make.  I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face.  At least I’m telling you in this text and I can’t live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this.  The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night.  In fact, probably much more than you.  I haven’t been getting it at home recently and I know that that’s no excuse.  The temptation was just too great.  I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.  Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you.  Regards, Richard

Neighbor’s response:

Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard, killing him.  He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.  Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.

Second text message:

Hi, Fred  Richard here again.  Sorry about the typo on my last text.  I expect you figured it out and noticed that the damned Auto-Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.”  Technology, huh?  It’ll be the death of us all.  Regards, Richard

Townhall Daily... Thx Paul C!

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And God Created ... Thx Paul C!

 

And GOD Created... 

 

 

I think this is hilarious! I NEVER HEARD CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE!!!

1.  In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

2.   Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy CremeDonuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"   And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

3.   And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.  And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.  And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

4.  So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side  . And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

5.   God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."   And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.   And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.   God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake" and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

6.   God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And   Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.  And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

7.   Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.   And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them . And Man gained pounds  .

8.   God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super-size them!"   And Satan said, "It is good."   And Man went into cardiac arrest.

9.   God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

10.   Then Satan created Cuts to the Health Care System. Amen

If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world .

 

 

 

Short video about the Portsmouth Spartans ... Thx Denny R!

Saw this on Facebook today. Thought you’d enjoy it. 

https://www.facebook.com/PeopleOfPortsmouthOH/videos/263101727880482/