Why we forward Jokes- Tom & Carolyn Lynch

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery,
when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the
road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a
tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a
magnificent gate in the arch that
looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like
pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a
man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought
right up.'

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the
traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the
way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt
road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and
reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand
pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and20took a long drink himself, then he gave
some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing
by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the
road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave
their best friends behind.'

Soooo ..Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without
writing a word. Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You
forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward
jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know
how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important,
you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just
another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your
friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime.

Google Directory Assistance- E-mail Jim Kegley (Bro.)

Thanks Jim,

The link wouldn't open for me but the number works. I just got the Westerville
community center. Right! Leave it to Google.

Sam


> Leave it to Google to come up with something
> like this!
>
>
> Here's a number worth putting in your cell
> phone, or your home phone speed
> dial: 1-800-goog411 (1-800-466-4411).
> This is an awesome service from Google, and
> it's free -- great when you are
> on the road.
>
> Don't waste your money on information calls,
> and don't waste your time
> manually dialing the number.
> Let's say I'm driving along in my car and I
> need to call the golf
> course and I don't know the number. I hit the
> speed dial for Google
> Information phone number that I have
> programmed.
>
>
> The voice at the other end says, "City &
> State." I say,
> "Garland, Texas." He says, "Business, Name, or
> Type of
> Service." I say, Firewheel Golf Course." He
> says,
> "Connecting" - and the golf course answers the
> phone.
> How great is that? This is nationwide and it
> is absolutely free!
>
>
> Click on the link below and watch the short
> clip for a quick demonstration.
>
>
> http://www.google..com/goog411/

A great Lesson here- Theresa Kusner e-mail

Thank you for visiting my SamKat blog.

Theresa Kusner is a teacher and tutor at Columbus State Community College. She and JoAnn Hensley are two of my favorites there at CSCC among a very wonderful group of teachers. They send me many good messages. I continue tutoring with them in the Developmental Education Math Lab.

I would love to teach as I did for several years until I couldn't hear well enough. Mr. McGear can't hear, you know. I have forgotten so much of the wonderful things Terri has told me about her dad, Elmer Bukey, but I remember that he had war experience in the Big One. Elmer and
Terri's mother live in FL. I appreciate Mr. Bukey's message here.





----- Original Message -----
From: Theresa Kusner
To: Debbie Barie ; Patricia Cass ; Jennifer Dragoo ; Sue Hargrove ; JoAnn Hensley ; JeanAnn Hilbert ; Sam Kegley ; Theresa Klein ; Alice Kusner ; Betsy O'Connor ; Annetta Zeman
Sent: Saturday, January 24, 2009 7:42 PM
Subject: Fw: A Great Lesson Here





From: Elmer Bukey
Subject: A Great Lesson Here
uckeye55@cfl.rr.com
Date: Saturday, January 24, 2009, 3:43 AM



A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked:
'How heavy is this glass of water?'
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the
heavier it becomes.'
He continued,
'And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on. '
'As with the glass of water,
you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'
'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don't carry it home.
You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you're carrying now,
let them down for a moment if you can.'
So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.
Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.
__________________________________
Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
*
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to others.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty
and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
*
Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you
today...I did.






Ding Hao



My China Days Web Site Index Page



~Music"Memories"~

Your Mother- E-mail from Sarah Taylor

We should all fully agree, Sarah. Sadly, there are some of this world who can't. Thank god for mothers of us who can believe.

Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: Sarah Taylor
Subject: FW: YOUR MOTHER







A very special thought of a very special person in your life!!!! Cherish her now. . . or remember her.

cjp





Your Mother is always with you!

She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell

of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore,

she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your

breath in the air on a cold winter's day. She is the sound of the rain that

lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is Christmas morning.

Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop.

A mother shows every emotion...happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate,

anger, helplessness, excitement, joy, sorrow... and all the while, hoping and

praying you will only know the good feelings in life.

She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with

every step you take. She's your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy,

but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space......... not even death!


PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS AND SONS YOU KNOW.... MAY WE NEVER TAKE OUR MOTHERS FOR GRANTED.

'The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt

with the heart.'

Psalms 84 New International Version

I simply dart boarded the middle of my Bible web site on my desktop and came up with this:

New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society


Psalm 84 (New International Version)

Psalm 84
For the director of music. According to gittith. Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm. [a]
1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. [b]

7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah

9 Look upon our shield, [c] O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Footnotes:

Psalm 84:1 Title: Probably a musical term
Psalm 84:6 Or blessings
Psalm 84:9 Or sovereign

Fixing the Fence- Pat richards Whitehead e-mail

Subject: : FIXING THE FENCE







Government solicits bids for White House Fence repairs:

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC: One is from Chicago, another is from Virginia and the third, is from Alabama. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Virginia contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Alabama contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Alabama to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how government contracting works!

Inner Peace- Jack Plymale

From the old Trojan warhorse lineman Jack Plymale via Keith and Pat Booker:


* Inner Peace*


*
If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,** *
*
If you can resist complaining and** boring people with your troubles, *
*
If you can eat the same food every** day and be grateful for it, *
*
If you can understand when your loved** ones are too busy to give you any
time, *
*
If you can take criticism and** blame without resentment**,
**
If you can resist treating a rich friend** better than a poor friend, *
*
If you can conquer tension** **without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor, **
**
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,** *



...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!


*And you thought I was going to get all spiritual on ya!!!!! *