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Love The
Irish
Paddy was driving down the
street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a
parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you
find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life
and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place
appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found
one.'
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ababab
Father Murphy walks into a pub
in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to
heaven?'
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then
stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man,
'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man
replied.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the
priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want
to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest
said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't
want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought
you were getting a group together to go right
now.'
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ababab
Paddy was in New
York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy
street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay,
pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this
several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had
shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is
it not about time ye let the Catholics
across?'
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ababab
Gallagher opened the morning
newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
'Did you see the paper?'
asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney.
'Where are ye callin'
from?'
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ababab
An Irish priest is driving down
to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper
smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just
water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell
wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it
again!'
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ababab
Walking into the bar, Mike said
to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the
little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one
end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and
knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she
say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little
chicken.'
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ababab
Patton staggered home very late
after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to
avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could
toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom
step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and
he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and
made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung
up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt
cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of
Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw
blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and
stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing
pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the
room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't
you?'
Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,'
Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at
the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the
house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those
Band-Aids stuck on the hall
mirror.
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Life is too short for
negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive
quickly! From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in
your head - we're all doing pretty good in
mine!
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